if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
