When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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