I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
