I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
