Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
