Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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