bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
