I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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