fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
