sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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