Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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