His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
