I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
