i think i have herpe
just one?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
