It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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