You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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