DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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