Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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