i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
