Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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