Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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