Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
