yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
