He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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