somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
