you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
