I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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