I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
