Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I want to have your abortion
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
