I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
