I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
