i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
