So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
