i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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