listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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