you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
