So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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