woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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