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I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
