I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
