I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
