So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
