Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
