remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Someone shattered a urinal.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize