some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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