I met the friendliest cop last night
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
