Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
