Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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