we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
