Your dad touched me again.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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