my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
