found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Randomize
