Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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