dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
