You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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