apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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