Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
