The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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