just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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