I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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