It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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