When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Boobs speak an international language.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
