I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
