The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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