she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
