Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize