Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
