I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
