The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
