i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
