He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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