i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I think people are normalizing furries
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
