They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
