Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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