I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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