i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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