just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
