I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
