What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize