im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You ruined the universe
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
