You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
