I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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