did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
