Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
