I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
