I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
