Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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