this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
