Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Randomize
