I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
