You're so nebulous sometimes
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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