We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
