Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
