i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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