I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
