Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
