meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just cut my nipple shaving
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
