1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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