you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
