it wasn't lemon gatorade
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
